Ugh, I hate cold season

Ugh, I hate cold season

I haven’t felt much like blogging while I’ve been sick.  Here’s to hoping I’ll feel better soon.

Boy, it sure gets dark early now.

Boy, it sure gets dark early now.

I tell you, I am very thankful that when I get off from work, it’s still daylight. It seems that the days are getting shorter and shorter; today it was right around 6 PM and the sun had already set. I realize it’s all part of the season, but it sure snuck up on me.

I’ve spent the last couple of days doing a lot of homework, organizing my time, and using silly little “look-forward-to’s” to stay motivated. It’s an awful lot of work, and it really does wear me down working full time and going to school practically full time. I have to keep it close in my mind how much of an investment it all is, how in the future it’ll be all good, because right now in the present, it’s the all suck. I’m really dreading not having a single free day next semester, and thinking about how that will affect my grades, job performance, sanity, and irritability level. It’s one thing to just graduate, but a whole other level of stress knowing you have to keep your GPA high because of constant competition to get into programs. Heck, I’ll have to work even harder than I am now when I actually do get into nursing school because CRNA school is supposedly murder to get accepted. I wish I knew more about the whole process, because I’ve read that UTC has no competition with residents, and that sounds good I guess, but I have no idea what the reality of that is. I dunno. Anyway, in the meantime I’ve been looking at visiting warm sunny beaches, buying a nice new car, thinking about the possibility of being able to move anywhere because of job security... you know... those types of dreamy “look-forward-to’s.”

I’m still dumbfounded that Thursday is Thanksgiving. I really only have 2 more weeks left of school. The regular tests aren’t so bad, but I hate with a passion comprehensive exams. Ugh. Well, once it’s all said and done I’ll have a good month off to do nothing. And I plan on it.

Wouldn't that be nice?

Ahhh... beaches.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I could I work pretty much anywhere on this map.

Today was a good day.

Today was a good day.

Last night Teale made Harry Potter sugar cookies, cut into little ‘H’s’, wizard hats, lightning bolts and the snitch, decorated in home-made Gryffindor icing. Today we went to see The Deathly Hallows Pt.1, and had Ichiban for dinner. It was a great date day/night. :)

I have to get up early to open tomorrow so I’m calling it a night!

Biggest World Civ 2 Assignment of the Semester... DONE!

Biggest World Civ 2 Assignment of the Semester... DONE!

Well, it wasn’t easy, but my review of Guns of August is finally done. I’ve worked on it off and on most of the day, so my writing for the day is pretty much spent. It’s good to be done with it this early!

Nein! Nein! Nein!

Nein! Nein! Nein!

That’s pretty much all I hear when I get home from work.  With teaching Napoleon in German, and him being a puppy who is learning, it sounds like the damn Hitler scene from Inglorious Bastards pretty much all day.  It’s tiresome, but at least the little rascal is learning. 

I’ve done some reading, made my study guide, scheduled my Nutrition Final, and finished 2 posts for the class as well.  I’d like to do more but I’m wiped.

I’ve opened almost all days this week, and it’s really rough on the sleep schedule.  I got probably 4 hours total sleep last night, so I must head to bed.  Tomorrow is my Friday though.  Gott sei Dank!

I Can’t Believe Next Week is Thanksgiving.

I Can’t Believe Next Week is Thanksgiving.

For some reason, today has been especially long and tiresome. Work seemed to drag on, and I was generally not in the mood to be there.  All I could think of was coming home and taking a nap.  On a positive, I seemed to have fully recovered from whatever sort of bug I might have had.  I pumped myself full of Zycam and zinc yesterday, so maybe that helped.  On a negative, I transferred whatever I had to Teale.  She’s felt bad today, on top of having a lot of Spanish homework to do, which I know makes the whole ordeal even more miserable.  She had work scheduled today, but partly because she was sick and partly because her work is seasonal and limited by the amount of payroll the company has anyway, she was able to just come home. 

I went by the store after work to get some groceries for home-made chicken noodle soup.  Well, sorta home-made.  I did buy chicken broth and boneless skinless breast, so I guess it wasn’t all that home-made, but Teale liked it nonetheless.  I know that when your throat is sore, and you feel cruddy, there’s nothing quite like some chicken soup.  The soup ended up being just “ok” by my standard, but Teale really liked it (or maybe she’s just being nice) and that’s all that really mattered. 

I feel like the dogs have been extra frustrating today as well.  Maybe it’s the buildup of having a messy house right now and not getting enough sleep.  I know it’s weird, but when there’s clutter, it usually puts me in an agitated mood.  I think It’s a testament to my mild OCD or something.  Anyway, a puppy who needs to go out every few hours combined with endless rain doesn’t bode well for a clean house.  The kitchen floor seems to be constantly covered in leaves and bits of grass near the doorway, and there’s dog toys all over the place,  and you constantly have to be on guard for correcting when he does something he shouldn’t.  All that is just really not what you feel like dealing with after working all day, shopping, cooking, and schoolwork. 

I feel like this has the potential to being one of my setback days, which effectively knock the steam out of my motivation.  I’m going to try very hard to not let that happen.  I have another post to make tonight, and I need to come up with a study plan since next week is Thanksgiving.   I can’t believe it’s that close to the holidays already.  Gosh, where has the month gone?

Hazy Shade of Autumn

Hazy Shade of Autumn

It’s been wet, dark, and dreary all day, much the norm in this area for Autumn.  Cold mornings make it difficult to pull that first toe out from under the toasty electric blanket and onto the floor.  Starting your day at 3:45 AM in this kind of weather isn’t the easiest thing to do, especially when it’s your Monday.  But I had to make the donuts.

I did sort of enjoy walking into the building from the parking lot this morning though, because I could smell the wet juniper bushes and their beds of damp cedar mulch.  I’ve always enjoyed that smell for some reason, and it made being awake that that hour much more bearable.  Overall it was a pretty good day, although there were plenty of system changes that kept me busy.  Once I got caught up I felt the familiar routine again and was able to run everything on autopilot, which is good because I think I’m fighting off a bug.  A few people were sick here last week and by the afternoon I had a sore throat and felt the familiar aches and pains springing up in places that only seem to be afflicted when I’m sick or fighting something.

By the time I was home, all I wanted to do was eat a little bit and lie down.  Teale got me comfy on the couch and the dogs slept on my feet, helping me stay warm.  I felt much better when I woke up and have even finished a little bit of school work and studying.

Napoleon has been sleeping all over Talulla today and it’s been pretty amusing to witness.  He is such a floppy thing, and it seems he’s not comfortable unless some part of him is dangling off a ledge or contorted from laying on uneven spaces.  One of our main frustrations when training him has been that Talulla wants to respond to the commands we are giving him.  Yesterday we decided to try and teach him commands in German so Talulla would be less inclined to do whatever we were telling him and thereby making our training sessions a little less frustrating.  There’s something funny about having a dog named Napoleon and talking to him in German.  :)  He seems to be coming along pretty well, but still has the ability to become highly fixated on whatever he’s focused on, more so than any other dog I’ve had or seen.  Hopefully we can direct that focus into obeying commands.  He’s a great boy though, and we love having him in our family.

Teale is at work right now and I miss her.  I’m not sure how late she’s going to be there, but I hope I’m still awake when she gets home.  I haven’t seen her very much today, with me working, taking that nap, and her being so busy with Spanish. 

Tomorrow is another early morning.  The benefit however, is that I’m finished and leaving from work at 1:30 PM.

Napoleon lounging on Talulla

Hello Motivation!

11/13/10
Hello Motivation!

I’ve been quite productive this weekend.  I had a lot of homework to get caught up on. 

In World Civ 2 I had 2 quizzes, a discussion post and the essay test as well.  I also had my Human Growth and Development discussion post.  I even made a spreadsheet (hello I am an Excel geek) to calculate my points for the nursing program.  On Friday I even did some minor straightening around the house, and made some New Orleans style red beans, rice and chicken.  The rice is a no brainer thanks to Zatarains, but I was really doing some guessing on the chicken.  I just sliced up some skinless chicken breast, and cooked it up on the pan with some garlic, chili powder, essence and a little oil.  I was surprised it all went together fairly well.  Then this morning I even made some pancakes.  I took normal Bisquick, but added some vanilla and a little bit of sugar into the mix.  I’d never really made pancakes before but they were pretty darn good.

I feel relieved to have gotten so much done, and I also manage to feel motivated enough to stay on track with my study plan tomorrow as well!

I have to be up early tomorrow, so I’m planning on sitting back, relaxing, watching some football and eating some home-style macaroni and cheese before turning in fairly early tonight.

The Price of Freedom?

11/10/10
The Price of Freedom?

So after nearly two semesters worth of World Civilizations, and countless years of United States history, one thing is a constant that unites all of humanity on every front.  Warfare.  It’s one thing to read about this and allowing the words on a page to paint the picture of what it must be like, but quite another to see it in HD captured from firsthand cameras.  The capacity we as humans have to inflict utter carnage and atrocity unto one another is soul-shattering.  I’ve spent the last few hours watching WWII in HD on the History Channel, and no matter how often I’ve read and studied the last great war, I still manage to be humbled and feel shame for the entire human race.

I’m nearly finished reading “The Guns of August,” a wonderfully written book that recounts the world situations and atmosphere that lead up to (and later through) World War One.  I wish I could tell the politicians and leaders of that day to take heed...  history will repeat itself.  Germany will have it’s revenge, and it’s voracious aggression will push the limits of terror in it’s effort to prove the superiority of their “kulture.”  Tortured souls, sentenced to hell on Earth for being a different race.  God... where were you?

As much as I enjoy learning about WWII, it’s a saddening experience.  The imagery burns itself into your mind, and the sorrow will fill your heart to the point of bursting.  Wars certainly are a constant, and it would seem that every generation conceived has to play its part in one. 

My Grandfather was in WWII.  He died when I was four.  I wish he’d lived long enough for me to ask him about it, but as I type this I wonder... would I really want to know more?

“We know that man, born to freedom in the image of God, will not forever suffer the oppressors' sword. The peoples of the United Nations are taking that sword from the oppressors' hands. With it they will destroy those tyrants. The brazen tyrannies pass. Man marches forward toward the light.”

- Franklin D Roosevelt, 1942

I’m... below average?

11/9/10
I’m... below average?

Lack of motivation is a fairly common theme in my thoughts lately.  Today I attended an info session for the nursing program, and while most of the information was full of things I already knew, they did happen to hand out these neat little sheets of paper telling us the stats of the previously accepted nursing students.  If I continue down my path of mediocrity, I will most likely land B’s on my current and future courses.  The problem with that is my GPA ends up netting 2.96, and the average GPA of the students accepted is 3.6.  Ouch.  Nothing like a good slap to get you motivated!

So I will most definitely begin my new study plan starting tomorrow after work.  There’s no time like the present, but unfortunately I’m wiped.  I’ve had 3 night in a row where I’ve gotten less than 5 hours sleep, and days filled with work and constant correction of a puppy.  So speaking of sleep and energy, my day started at 3:45 this morning. 

Goodnight, and here’s to a more motivated tomorrow!

Brrrrrr!

11/7/10
Brrrrrr!

Where did Autumn go?  I went to bed and it was right outside my door, but when I walked outside this morning, it was gone and Winter was left nipping at my face!  This morning was the first time this season that I had to break out the old ice-scraper... and by ice scraper I mean my driver’s license.  To be honest though, part of me really enjoys the cold.  After the ridiculous summer we had, I’m going to enjoy the winter.  Seasons really are great.

Work today was pretty uneventful, which was fine by me.  I was pretty worn out from the day before, along with getting little sleep and being woken up by the burglar alarm around 12:50 AM.  It was a false alarm, probably something to do with the weatherstripping I’ve put around the door to the garage.  It went off the night I put it up, so we removed a portion of it and it’s been fine since.  Except something last night made the connection break and off it went.  Needless to say we’ve removed all the weatherstripping.

Anyway, today has been pretty good.  I enjoyed spending time with Teale around lunch, and when I got home we both did our own things in the office.  I really like that we can both be doing things individually and as long as we are in the same room it feels like we are still spending some time together.  She made some cornbread later to go with my leftover soup and it made for a nice dinner. 

Tomorrow is another early morning for me, so I’m looking forward to getting toasty in bed under the electric blanket.  Teale found my ice scraper for me, so tomorrow morning should be much less cold.  Especially for my fingers.

Tests are done.

11/6/10
Tests are done.

I sat down today and started looking through my Human Growth and Development book in hopes of preparing myself for the test.  I even printed out a couple of study guides since this test was over 5 chapters.  I had done some of the assignments, but in all honestly I put about as much effort those as necessary.  I’m just lucky to have a pretty decent memory for things like that, and fairly strong test taking skills.  About 10 minutes into looking through all those things, I just decided to go ahead with the test.  I managed to get an 88, which is 2 points shy of an A for college work.  I thought about it afterward...  if I had put forth just a minor amount of effort in this module I could have easily gotten a higher score.  Next time, I’ll definitely do that.  Things just got away from me this last time.

I took a lengthy break after that and Teale made smorgasbord (hash-browns, eggs, and sausage all mixed together in one skillet) for breakfast and it was delicious!  I hadn’t had any in a while and was glad she made it for us.  Afterwards I played with the dogs for a bit, then played Civilizations 5 (video-game) for a while.  (The honorable Japanese Empire was poised to destroy those Western dogs, but the Leonard Shogunate was crippled by their lack of iron and their inability to sustain their Samurai army.  The Interior Minister committed seppuku for his inability to plan effectively.  Next time.... yes I am a complete dork.) I eventually made my way back to schoolwork and started preparing for my Nutrition test.

I really hate this class so it’s extra hard for me to focus on it at all.  For one, I always learn major subjects like this when the coursework is organized well and the material is clearly laid out.  My instructor however is all over the place.  I imagine she could write novels in her spare time too because her instructions for assignments are so verbose I end up spacing out while reading them.  Anyway, her materials are the book, her own lecture notes which usually consist of about 7 completely unnecessary handouts to be printed, about 30 pages of PowerPoint Slides, and usually around 4 web-links that have even more material to print.  You’d think that college administrators would try to take stuff like this into consideration when coming up with curriculum standards, but no, I think they are dead set on charging students for online course access codes for around the same cost of a textbook while in reality the student gets to print it all off on their own expense!  Brilliant!  So after compiling all the information and organizing it the best possible way I could, I read and did some studying for the course.  I never want to see the word “lipoprotein” again.  Since I’m ranting here, I’m also gonna throw my 2 cents in about frustrating test writing.  I dunno who thought up the “TRUE EXCEPT / FALSE EXCEPT” questions on tests, but they have very little to do with material and more with being confusingly written.  “All of the following properties of a LIPOPROTEIN are true except?”  Grrr.

Who knows how I did on that test.  Probably not great.  The only person I can really blame here is myself, regardless of of frustrating I find the course layout.  I knew about this test for a long time and chose to put it off over and over again.  I’m fairly determined now to not allow myself to get into that situation again.

The dogs were extra crazy tonight too, which didn’t have a very good effect on my already drained patience.  I’m really hoping Napoleon starts learning to not follow us into the kitchen every time we go in there because the constant correcting is wearing me out.  I think we just need to be more consistent with when and how we correct him.  I’m sure he’ll eventually get it, but his   testing encourages Talulla to act out as well, and that really wears on my nerves.  I imagine it’s something like having kids, except I can pop my dogs with rolled up paper and stick them in their crates when they act out excessively.

So I’m finding it really hard to pull some positives out of today.  I enjoyed breakfast.  I’m done with the tests.  I managed to do well on one of them.  I’m at least thankful for all of that.

I forgot how challenging a puppy can be.

I forgot how challenging a puppy can be.

Napoleon has a tendency to just squirm and squirm while in his crate.  He eventually just wears himself down and passes out, but sometimes that takes a long time.  And then when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he tends to repeat the process all over again.  Unfortunately I’m a notoriously light sleeper and he tends to wake me up.  A lot.

Anyway, this morning I got up early to discover he’d peed all in his crate.  I’m not talking a little bit... it was like a lake of pee, enough for him to have splashed a decent quantity out onto the floor.  I took him out to be walked, but of course he didn't have anything left in him so he didn’t pee.  It probably took a good 1/4 of a roll of paper towel to mop up everything in the crate.  And naturally he was going to need a bath.  But I stuck him back in the crate, because I had plans.

Yesterday I called and ordered a dozen Gerber Daisies for Teale.  I told them I’d pick them up in the morning around 8:30.  So I washed myself up as quietly as possible, and snuck off with Teale in bed to get her flowers.  They are so pretty!  I love Joy’s Flowers because they are so nice and helpful.  I drove them home without a hitch and put them on the dining room table for Teale to discover on her own when she got around to waking up.

She discovered them later and was really happy with them, which of course made me happy.  Later she went to the grocery store for some supplies for tomorrow and picked up some Pizza Hut for us.  We’ve had a great day of doing absolutely nothing.  We watched a lot of Mad Men, then The Crazies with Timothy Olyphant.  Great movie!  We’ve needed some time together without anything on the agenda.

As expected for this week, I still haven’t accomplished a single bit of homework or studying.  So I now have 2 days to get prepared for a test over 5 chapters of Human Growth and Development and 2 chapters worth of Nutrition.  I’m not so worried about the HGD test because I’ve at least read and done some assignments that were due, but I haven't read a word of the Nutrition stuff.  I just... I just can’t bring myself to do it.  I will of course, but I have zero motivation for it.  I’m not sure how I’m gonna get any focus going.  I just feel so worn out with all of it.  Ah well, maybe I’ll feel better after doing it tomorrow.

Gerber Daisies

Girls mature faster than boys.

Girls mature faster than boys.

Most everyone has heard that before.  In some cases it applies to more than just the physical growth, but encompasses mental and emotional maturity as well.  It's a reality in my life for sure, as I feel pangs of guilt and embarrassment when I think about the person I sometimes was as a teenager.  Not that I was a terrible kid mind you, but I certainly wasn't the type of kid I would want to be remembered as. 

It's very true that we tend to not appreciate things until they are gone.  I think back on some of the opportunities I was presented with in my younger days and how I didn't realize how special some of those situations were.  I had the chance to make some great friends, yet often didn't put forth the effort.  I had the fortune of being taught by some of most wonderful teachers, yet chose to not listen, being more interested in those immensely important facets of teenage life.  It was cooler to be a smart-ass than to be an actively engaged young person.  *Sigh*

This feeling isn't new.  I've thought about the same things and felt the same way for a few years at least, but it usually is prompted by by thinking back to those times in wondering what type of impression I left on someone. Which is kind of interesting because for years I've loved the idea of being the person who didn't care what others thought about them.  I've even played that part for the better part of two decades, but I think the mask has finally worn out.

The truth is I do care, but most of these mistakes are in the past.  I don't think I was capable of caring at the time, or even having remorse for those misses in my life. I guess I needed to grow up, and I think I’ve done that to some degree.  I still have issues for sure, but I’ve certainly changed quite a bit from my teenage days.  Heck, I’ve changed so much since my mid 20s.  I suppose this is what life is about... growing.  I mean if we aren’t growing we’re dying right?

That’s my excuse then.  The longer it takes for me to “grow up,” the longer I get to live.

Cold November Rain

Cold November Rain

Well, it’s not all that cold really.  It’s fairly cool, mostly a mild feeling but quite wet with the rain.  It’s the season of mist/rain, and all day it’s reminded me of Seattle.  Most people think of Seattle as being constantly rainy, but that's not the case.  It’s rainy in the winter, but no more so than what it’s like during winter here in Chattanooga.  The summer I spent there was absolutely beautiful.

Cool dreary days like today make me yearn for coziness.  I really miss having a fireplace, but wouldn’t trade my house for anything.  Well... maybe a bigger house.  Anyway... with all the rain I was craving something comforting so I asked Teale if she’d like some chicken tortilla soup.  She said she’d rather have chicken corn chowder so I made that instead.  We had some frozen chicken breast already, plus all the spices and some leftover red onion in the fridge.  She picked up some creamed corn, green chili peppers, half & half, and some shredded cheese.    She also picked up ingredients for pumpkin cheesecake.  It was nice for both of us to be working in the kitchen, and it made the house smell yummy too.  I really wanted to have a slice of the cheesecake this evening but it's still cooling in the fridge.  I’ll have that to look forward to tomorrow. :)

I had a pretty decent day at work as well, made better by the fact that I was reminded about falling back this weekend.  Ah, an extra hour of sleep!  It was fairly busy, but I definitely love the early shift.  There’s just nothing like being finished with your workday at 3:30.  I have a lot of stuff I’ll do tomorrow since it’s my Friday, in order to make my Monday (Sunday) easier.  Sometimes I really like my job.  I enjoy the scheduling and staffing piece because it’s like a puzzle that you are constantly building.

I still haven’t managed to do much homework, but I have been reading like crazy.  I’ll have to devote time and effort to that tomorrow.  I really don’t see how some folks manage going to school full time, working full time AND have children. 

Anyway, today was a good day and I’m enjoying now just relaxing on the couch with Talulla keeping my feet warm.  Napoleon is snuggled up in Teale’s lap while she watches TV and plays with post-processing some photos.  I’m writing this while listening to a Chris Thile song called “Raining at Sunset.”  How’s that for fitting?

chicken corn chowder cooking

Soups On!

pumpkin cheesecake

pic of Napoleon Teale was working on

Perspective.

Perspective.

One of the most profound things I’ve read in recent years goes something like this: “Being happy is as simple as thinking that you are.”  Isn’t that a great truth?

As far as outlooks go, it’s typically summed up as a two sided coin... optimism and pessimism.  The reality is that those attitudes are all based on specific perspectives.  Having different perspectives enriches our ability to reason and grow as members of the human race.

My perspective has for the most part been pessimism.  Though I veiled it with terms like “humanist” and “realist” the truth of the matter is that I’m highly pessimistic.  My Mom is too.  So is my Grandmother.  It’s an attitude that I believe I learned and wish I could unlearn.  So that’s part of what my blog is going to be about.

Though from time to time I may end up writing about random thoughts or ideas, the bulk of this blog is going to be an exercise in viewing things from an optimistic perspective.  Changing my attitude is nothing new.  I’ve done it as many times a smokers “quit smoking.”  However, writing tends to reinforce whatever it is you are writing about... much like taking notes in class. 

So here goes.  The glass is half full.